Of Life & Death : A Tribute to Rituparno Ghosh

I have always been fond of rains.Especially rainy nights, I feel they have so much to say. My perfect setting would be a cozy bed, warm blanket, a good movie or book on a rainy night #Paradise on earth.

I have never been a movie buff.I love movies but the kind which touch the subtleties of life, the intricate emotions,which convey so many hidden meanings which take me days & even months or years to comprehend.Sometimes I believe I was wrongly born in this generation,where my friends are so enthusiastic about IPL & Iron man.Where they wish to see movies that give them a thrill, a high, & sadly I belong no where there.

My idea of life is taking time to smell the flowers rather than running so fast that we end up stamping all the wild violet flowers that quietly smiling while we were on our way.Slow music gives me peace, books like the Monk who sold his Ferrari give me a purpose, shows like Rendezvous with Simi Garewal intrigue me as I get a glimpse into the life & times of the bold , beautiful & powerful yet movies didnt have a profound effect on me even though the 11 Movies in my laptop are my all time favorites and I carry something with me from each of them.

Then suddenly around 3 weeks back while I browsing through youtube, I stumbled upon the movie Nouka Dubi by Rituparno Ghosh.The movie left me spell bound.The lyrical way in which he portrays the complex interconnections of four lives woven with love,separation,pain,angst & sacrifice set in the backdrop of beautiful Rabindra Sangeet & Bengali culture made me crave for his movies.

Rabindra Sangeet & classic Bengali movies have a special corner in my heart due to my Thani who was a gifted singer & an avid reader of Bengali literature & a movie enthusiast.Memories of me, dadu & Thani cozying up together for the classic Bengali movie every friday night at DD Bangla are still fresh in my mind.The last movie we saw together was Pather Panchali by Satyajit Ray, the story of which I had heard from her when I was a 5 year old.

My reconnection with my happy childhood memories of Bangla movies during Nouka dubi led me to search for Rituparno's movies one after another.

In Utsab, he portrayed a dysfunctional family set in the backdrop of Durga Pujo where at the end everybody realizes that happy families need not be perfect always. 

In Titli, he beautifully brought out the emotions of a mother-daughter where they fall in love with the same person, getting through tinges of jealousy & finally being there for each other when they go through the pain of loving & losing.

In Bariwali, he displayed the profound sense of loneliness when we meet people for a transient phase & that pain which engulfs us when they leave us , makes us lonelier & miserable than ever. I guess it somehow showcased his own loneliness where after his parents died one after other, his brother left him, he struggled with his sexuality & felt lonelier than ever.

In Shubho Mahurat, he emphasized that revenge is not a means of achieving peace & at last we become the consumers of the poison which we try to inflict in others.

In Memories of March he himself personified melancholy, teaching a lesson that the essence of love is accepting people just the way they are without being judgmental.

In Abhoman he expressed love to be eternal,not bound by age,it can happen to anyone anytime & that is what makes love beautiful.

Chokher Bali &  Antarmahal were visual delights,the beauty in which he portrayed Rabindranath's works, resurrecting them in the most beautiful way that they could be brought back to life.

And as I kept watching his movies, I fell more in love with the profound lessons he had in them for me.He has made me smile,brought tears & above all given me the warmth like a loved one.

The day I got the news of his demise, I was in office and it was raining.I felt pained,sad , very sad as I was waiting for many more valuable insights of life which he could have given me.It was a similar moment when I had seen Thani in that cold & quiet condition.The only question that haunted my mind then was "How could this happen when we had so much left to share & laugh about?"

That moment the same question  crossed my mind again after a period of 5 years.This time it was Ritu da, the soul who was bound to me by the threads of life & learning. May your soul reach those beautiful places where you took me & many others through your thought provoking & eternally wonderful movies ! You will be missed dearly !

Of rains & view from a window pane

Rains are nature's way of expressing romance I feel.It is when the sky & earth are overwhelmed with their feelings for each other that they touch each other through rains.It is just like a warm embrace which we give our loved ones when we fall short of words to express our love for them,the sky and earth,never getting to meet, embrace each other through rains.

My earliest memories of rains are during my summer vacations in childhood when me and my brother used to have race of paper boats through the little stream of water along the verandah of our family home in Khurda. My brother had a habit of running out to the open whenever there was lightning instead of staying inside home as he thought lightnings were God's way of taking our photos like the camera flash :P Vivid memories of him running out of the room to smile at God's flash while his parents saying Aye Aye Come back ! :D The other happy memories are of the delight I used to get while watching the world from the window pane of our car when it used to rain. I used to be so happy that I wrote a poem titled it also way back then.

Then there was the period of adolescence.Rains gained a new dimension apart from paper boats & giggles.

There was a tiny element of something called Romance entering my imagination. Movies, songs, poems & books like Ruskin Bond's novels had created an element of romance with the rains which I shyly identified with.This was also the phase of school hoildays declared just because of incessant rains.Yet along with the happiness of "Rainy days holidays" I dont know why I longed to enjoy the rains.

The drizzles & downpours during school have left behind so many memories. The table by the window in the library which allowed me and my friend  to sit & have our chit chat while  reading books & enjoying the rain. The delicious taste of the  "Dahibara Aludum" prepared by Nidhi bhai,who used to sell it on a cycle just beside the school boundary wall.Having it just after the rains would add an extra element of taste to it. The "Sawan Barse Tarse Dil" song from Dahek which my friend used to sing as we roamed through the corridors of our school.The cycle races between friends along with the thrill of the slippery rain soaked roads. And finally the mysterious element of Romance soaked in me while listening to my favorite songs on the walkman watching the rain through the window of my room. It is the rains which helped me sow the elements of love in my adolescent heart.

Adulthood came & brought a lot of realities & complexities with it too. Some of which we accept, some of which we know & some of which we pretend not to know or accept.The rains were still there but the way I saw them had changed in a way. It no longer was just about wonder  & love. It was the feeling of letting out everything I had inside me before those who mattered to me.I got this habit of crying shrouded by loneliness whenever I was emotionally upset by anything. Tears had become my emotional outlet.They epitomized rain for me sometimes.

A few days back when I was returning from office, it was raining.I was without an umbrella. The tiny cold droplets of rain touched me.I looked up, amidst the hustle bustle of Bangalore traffic & people, I felt as if  a dear old friend had just greeted me.I smiled & rushed towards the bus stop.The bus stop had a gulmohar tree under which we waited for the bus.The amber street light above the tree made the droplets on the gulmohar leaves look like tiny decorative lights.It was a delightful sight as if my old friend had decorated the tree for me. After so many years I experienced the similar feeling of delight like I had in childhood.I smiled & wondered how these years had passed by.

As I boarded the volvo bus, I was happy to see the window seat vacant.Its was as if my old friend was lovingly asking me to sit there.I sat & looked outside the window, people were running around, some giggling,some so frustrated.The drops were settling on the glass window & slowly meandering downwards. I had put my headphones on & the song was "Sawan Barse Tarse Dil". I could not help but smile at the perfect moment. 

There were couples on bikes adding the element of Romance too, holding each other, not bothered about getting wet as they had each other. Rain soaked roads, trees, people & the view by the window which delighted me so many years back.All this  was there for me, a perfect way in which the rains brought together all that I had missed in so many years. 

The next morning I woke up , the rains had stopped but I was still lost in the happy memories the rains had drenched me in.Life is beautiful. Cheers to life !

The day I ran my first marathon

Life is the process of continuous self discovery.This line has been created by me through years of influence by movies,books & moreover life itself.We never know what we can, until we just go ahead & do it. And the feeling after it is just beyond words.

You can picturize me as a thinker.I love slow pace. Analyzing,pondering,wondering,reflection,contemplation etc are as natural to me as breathing.I love to devour classic movies, interviews of people who have had it all & stories of people who have lost it all too.Writing,painting,music,poems,reading are like the wheels of my soul which keep me going. Enter sports & I am distraught.

My early school memories of sports days reminds me of running races in which I would finish last.My classmates,teachers cheering me to reach the finishing line & I panting my way through. It was not that I was frail hence lacked energy, I simply didnt like sports. Without sounding boastful, I want to say that like all other human beings, the aspect of my life in which I failed disinterested me. So slowly & steadily my relationship with sports of all kinds faded & got lost in oblivion.

One of the first things I heard about TCS after joining as a trainee in Trivandrum was "Fit For Life", a novel initiative by our CEO Mr Natarajan Chandrasekharan or Chandra as TCSers fondly address him.It was a simple concept, as you join the software industry, instead of turning into a sloth bear, run & be fit and for every kilometer you run, TCS pays some amount for charity.So it was aimed to ignite two things, first an urge of physical fitness through running & second an approach to generate the amount for goodwill that TCS would donate for charity.

Though the concept made me happy, my aversion for sports didnt decrease. So throughout the training I just avoided going for "Fit For Life " sessions citing my overburden of project work, weakness, health issues & blah blah. Yet deep inside I had the haunting sense of failure that I would never be good in something as simple as running.

Enter TCS Bangalore.My project team insisted that as freshers we register for the World 10K Marathon at TCS Bangalore on 19 May to get a feel of Fit For Life.Reluctantly I registered for the 5 km Majja run, sub consciously thinking that I would make some excuse & not turn up for it.

And the day arrived & to my own surprise I decided to run the marathon, putting on the TCS jersey,cap ,wristband & runner Id, me & my friend boarded the bus at 7:00AM.The volvo bus was filled with fellow TCSers all with the same look.I felt a profound sense of unity in us, smiling at each other, strangers yet bound together for a purpose.

The Kanteeveera stadium was bustling with energy.After getting ourselves stamped with "TCS 10K Marathon" we entered the gallery.The entire TCS crowd was waving TCS flags, shouting & cheering.All were smiling to each other.It was a proud moment.

Then to all our surprise, we saw our CEO Chandra joining us in person in the gallery.The entire crowd burst in joy.We all moved to greet him as he was shaking hands with TCSers yet sadly I couldnt reach him Then we had the announcement that Majja run was about to start & we were to go to the stadium race course.

The feature of this year's marathon was that it was headed by the ladies of TCS. Yes & I was a part of it.Thrilled , i held the TCS Flag as all of us started the run.Just as we were about to leave the stadium, we saw a familiar smiling figure across the railing cheering us,yes it was Chandra. I ran towards the railing & smiled at him.He smiled and extended his hand for greeting.That was a miraculous moment of my life.Greeting the CEO of TCS.He smiled & told us to keep running.

That was a moment of awakening.I felt that it was planned by the universe to discover a side of mine I had never met before,that of a runner.All charged up , me and my friend started running, we ran , we walked , we saw people running for causes ranging from public safety to child labor to street animals. We ran & walked alternatively , halting in between near the dance stages watching people dance in exhilaration.

The biggest observation I had of a marathon was the spirit of the people who participated.A marathon is analogous to life I believe, people run it in different paces, some slow some fast, yet they are happy that they are experiencing it.There is no competition, no hurry, a group of strangers heading to a common destination bound by smiles & a common purpose.

So the moment I completed the marathon.I had a profound sense of fulfillment.It was not just because I had completed the marathon, it was because I had completed a part of me that was incomplete for so many years.

To my readers, Our lives are an event of infinite possibilities, all we need to do is transform them into our realities :) Cheers to life !

Memoirs of ILP at Trivandrum : The Panorama Part 1

There is a certain phase of life when one does so many things that when one looks back, its almost like a movie, your mind speaks to you like a little talkative child, excited & gleaming with joy.When I joined TCS and got Trivandrum as my location for Initial Learning Period, little did I know that I would do things which I never thought I would.

Here are the events which are memorable during my time at Trivandrum,something I will cherish forever.

1) Hill, Waterfall & Sea: I have climbed a hill, been to waterfall through a forest with slippery rocks, surrounded by leeches all of this wearing lady like slippers.Yes, slippers ! The all girls trip to Ponmudi with the beautiful drizzles & greenery of Kerala, dancing in the van, walking through clouds, drinking mountain water,eating hot biriyani in a restaurant surrounded by clouds, slipping through the rocks to go to the waterfall, helping each other, almost crying with the dread of leeches yet emerging out victorious and playing in the stream water.Towards the end our driver surprising us by taking us to the beautiful Shankhamugam beach. Hill , Waterfall, Beach   all in one day.Mother nature couldnt be more kind ! :)

 

2) Saving Bruno - One day , coming back from the lab in the evening, me and  my friend Soumya found a little puppy helplessly running here and there amidst speeding vehicles.Being avid pet lovers , we both have a very special corner in our hearts for dogs. We can go to the extent of saying that dogs are better than most humans.Seeing the little one moving around scared, we couldnt help but go and hold him in our hands.We started talking to him, mostly the pet lovers can relate to.We asked him where his mommy was, when the guards told us that his mommy was no where to be found.

 That moment Soumya said that if we leave him here, he might die.We decided to take him with us, take him where? TCS Executive hostel strictly forbids animals in the premises.Yet we decided to take him with us.We named him Bruno, I still remember me & Soumya holding Bruno and running.We got muffins for him from a nearby Maggi shop, which he happily ate.Beneath our happy smiles was the fear of where we would keep him. On reaching hostel, the guard told us we couldnt take Bruno in, our hearts sank.We started pleading  before the guards. Nothing worked. Lastly I went to the Mess staff to get some milk for our Little Bruno. 

There are times when you feel God is present, just next to you.It is a moment of miracle,the Head Chef of TCS Executive Hostel heard about Bruno while I was getting food for him.Seeing my tear filled eyes , he decided to meet Bruno, and after meeting him, he decided to take Bruno with him to his home.Yes, those hands which prepared food for us everyday decided to be the guardian of Bruno.Me and Soumya were overjoyed.We thanked him through our happiest smiles.Bruno was sneaked in to the TCS Executive Hostel where he was the center of attention of the entire staff.From the roads to the home of Head Chef , Bruno had made quite a journey !

Tears rolled down our cheeks.I realised for the first time I had tears of joy :) Life truly is beautiful !

Snapshots from Hell : A Review

Ever since I came to know that TCS Bangalore library doesnt have fiction books, my heart sunk.I am an avid reader and fiction books have been my favorite.I mean I have nothing against books titled "7 Habits of Highly Effective People" & "How to Instantly Influence People" etc etc but I believe human mind is so intriguing that it cannot change itself by books that step wise tell it to look at things or develop a perspective.

The most powerful books that truly leave an impression are the ones in which we live the life of the author in the book.These books make us ponder on a lot of things that we would miss out otherwise.

One day wandering through the book shelves of TCS library , I came across a book titled "Snapshots from Hell" by Peter Robinson.Delighted to see a title that differed from topics like SAP FICO, JAVA Complete Reference, Performance Appraisals, I reached out and opened the book. The introductory note said this book was about the experience of a poet in Standford Business School.I went ahead and issued it.

The author was the former speech writer in Ronald Reagan's office when he took a sabbatical and went ahead for MBA at Standford hoping for a life with money and happiness ever after.Set in early 1990's, this book talks about the MBA phenomenon where the smartest people go to a business school, from diverse backgrounds ranging from Banking to Civil Services to Army, all with common idea that they would win the world after MBA. Almost 2 decades later I feel nothing really has changed.

While students like the author who were "poets" or students with minimal mathematical background had a tough time managing the calculations for subjects like Macroeconomics, Computer modelling etc, the "Non poets"  like the bankers, consultants and engineers happily & competitively sailed through them.The book is filled with interesting insights from the Standford classroom where sometimes Professors taught something that went totally above heads of even the brightest of the class, where students protested against mediocre teaching, studying hard for mid terms & end terms, competing , falling in depression, making study groups and slogging over case studies.In other words, It felt like just any other college.

The author states the biggest impact of Standford MBA was that it helped him develop a quantitative & analytical way of looking at things. Right from Organisational Behavior to Finance, each course made sure the students develop a perspective that is supported by numbers.Standford MBA students having numerous accomplishments were also normal humans  having strong egos,relationship hassles, worries about future, yet at the end coming together as a single group just like any other graduating batch.

The biggest lessons from the book were when the author describes two incidents. One, where the transition of students from rosy life assumption after MBA  to the extreme hard work during Business school to some landing a dream job at The Investment Banks while others struggling for jobs.It says that "While we all chase some things beyond our reach, crying helplessly, running restlessly , without catching a breath , it dawns upon at the end that there was no destination after all, it was the journey that was all that mattered."

Second was during a Marketing class when an executive with Procter & Gamble visited the classroom and discussed about a product they launched which failed miserably at the market. It conveyed a simple message "Its ok to make mistakes in life". Even big boys like P&G who hired the best brains made mistakes, so it was absolutely fine for mere mortals like us to make mistakes.

An awesome read! This book exhibits the journey of a person who joined an institution where he considered himself as a misfit but at the end discovered a side of his he had never met before.Hope I experience something like this in life :) Cheers to life !

Memoirs of ILP @ Trivandrum : The First Steps

There are certain phases in life when one feels like living an entire lifetime..It is  those phases which make you do things you havent done ever, meet people you never imagined of meeting and finally help you evolve into a happier person who has so much to cherish.

My Initial Learning Period (ILP) at TCS Trivandrum has been such an experience..an experience of a lifetime.Kerala is truly god's own country, the beautiful weather, the omnipresent coconut trees, the golden beaches, the still backwaters and finally the hills and waterfalls.On the way to the Executive Hostel of TCS , I was looking outside the car window, the mild winds blowing, the markets, churches passing by , I had the same excitement in me that I used to have as a child. It is the typical feeling of heartbeats going for a break dance.

Finally we reached the TCS Executive hostel.You can mistake it to be a 3 star hotel.Unloading the baggage, we moved towards the building.Happily collecting the keys we moved to our rooms.The rooms were awesome.I felt special  The journey had begun.

After a lot of Aaram , the time came to enter Peepul Park , the citadel of excellence of learning in TCS. It is the oldest training center of TCS and has created so many great Professionals who started their journey from there.It has an inherent sacred air in it.There are many feelings which cross one's mind at the dawn of one's Professional career.Carrying all these with me, I moved forward with a smile.

The induction began and we were introduced to LIREL, the core values of TCS. Leading Change, Integrity, Respect for Individual, Excellence and Learning and Sharing.As brand ambassadors of TCS where ever we go,we were expected to make these values inherent to us. It was the first time of my when I felt proud of being what I was. The main agenda of our induction was to make us aware that we were not just a big brand and the reason why we were ahead of others was because we lived our values.

It was a new beginning for me. A journey to develop a new insight towards life.Where coming late meant one was disrespecting the other individual by wasting their time, where being a master in anything was not enough as long as one didnt share the knowledge with others, where integrity and values was more than just doing business, where the aim was to elevate a customer's experience from satisfaction to delight.

There were also a lot of firsts, including having the very salary account, I Card which was our identity, stream of technology in which we would be trained and finally our base branch where we would be deputed after training.

It was a long day, but at the end, I had a sense of fulfillment and joy.The crimson hued sky of Trivandrum was embracing the evening sun but I realised I had just started with my new beginnings.

Loving Detachment

Life and me
shared some incongruity
as in the tides of time
I lost a person who was more than mine..

That person was my heart
a person who was never apart
was snatched away from me
by the strange cycles of destiny..

True love for me now has a definition
It never has any condition

It should be free from attachment
And I never practiced loving detachment

So now I know the pain
Of loving , losing and getting drenched in a rain

In an unending rain
Of pain, pain and pain

So now I will try to love without any attachment
as true love is the universe's method of teaching detachment.

This poem is in the aftermath of Thani's sudden demise in 2008.Losing some you love is very very painful.Yet the love that is detached and unconditional becomes eternal. That is Thani's love for me :)