Havoc

There is one moment in one's life when there is so much of havoc that it creates a tornado of unpleasant memories.It is the very situation when anger takes over & ruins everything else. It is like a volcano erupting & covering the entire grassland with lava, where nothing can ever grow again.

Each one of us has a tryst with havoc at some point of time. And given that we live in today's era of more stress & less time, the frequency of havoc ha increased. We are restless & stressful, too impatient to walk & too irritated to run. We dont have a middle way out also, its either walk or run, both of which let us encounter a moment of havoc.

I had my moment of havoc today. It was when the surge of anger took over me & destroyed all the beautiful tranquility I had gathered over the past few months. My will was taken over by my whims & I spoke of things I never thought of speaking.

Sometimes we are too shallow to underestimate what we have & one big mistake we do is to take our loved ones for granted.These both create a dangerous combination which puts us in a loop of sorrow, guilt & remorse in the aftermath of the havoc.

The Secret, a book by Rhonda Byrne speaks about the law of attraction which governs the Universe states that if we have unpleasant thoughts, they will attract more such thoughts & ultimately they will lead us to encounter a moment of havoc.

All I can request everyone reading this is to please understand how beautiful their life is & how much damage anger can produce. Those thunders & storms of sorrow & anger will subside eventually but what will remain is a pall of silence & silent tears of remorse.

 

Of love & Facebook

I was introduced to the concept of real & virtual when I was Std 7 , Introduction to Optics,mirrors with real images & virtual images, since then I was puzzled with the concept of virtual & real & often wondered what distinguishes them. Then in my late teens when I entered the arena of social networking through the long forgotten Orkut, I slowly realized I had a virtual life apart from the real life in which I had my family, friends & studies. Infact everyone who was on Orkut had a virtual life, with  fancy display pics, fancier self descriptions & there was another option of Relationship status which could be Single/Committed/Married or blank for people like me.

Then came the God of social networks, Facebook. Like my friends, I too joined FB, doing some research initially to know the difference between Home & My Profile :P As time passed by, people fell in love & happily declared it by going from "Single" to "In A Relationship" on FB. With a sense of joy, the friends & well wishers of the person liked it & poured their best wishes & <3 through comments. Yet the sad part was when the person went from "In A Relationship" to "Single", there were :( & what happened??? in the comments, #trulyhearbreaking for the person as well as the world.

Then there was the notion of  FDA (Facebook Display of Affection ) which was synonymous to PDA ( Public Display of Affection ) in real world.The golden rule of FDA states that if you are in love, then you must flaunt it #BIGTIME on FB. The love could range from photographs to :* to songs to ohhh sweetu, i love u baby!! on the beloved's wall with the entire world liking it & filling in comments like Awww!! , So cute, God bless you guys #HowSweet :)

Then there were the underdogs, the kind of people who kept a low profile, who were in love but  were uncomfortable with FDA.They had blank Relationship status & basically did not indulge in FDA.They were sneered at, by the crusaders of FDA. Comments like "Your love is true only if you keep posting cute things on your beloved's wall" & "If you guys are not keeping your relationship status as "In a Relationship", then you are not sure about the Relationship in the first place " were hurled on to the underdogs & they were mocked at.#TrueLoveIsProportionalToFDA.

The there were transitions like "In A Relationship" to "Its Complicated", "Single" To "In An Open Relationship" , "Its Complicated" to "Single". Wide mouthed, the world gaped as the love between two people rose & sank like the sine wave in the tides of heated arguments on FB walls to exhuberant displays of passion with cuddled pics & well..lets not go there :P. #TidesOfLove

Then came the really nice feature by which we could not only know the Relationship status but also the profile of the person with whom one was Married/Engaged/In a Relationship with.#SomeSeriousStalking.

I recently read in a book that " The Greatest compliment one can give oneself is to declare 'I am open book'". The same can be applied to FB with a slight modification that goes " The Greatest compliment one can give oneself on FB is to declare 'My relationship with XYZ is an open book' " . 

Years after Std 7 , I am still confused about what is real & what is virtual. To express one's love for someone can be the greatest gift , one can get.Yet categorizing love into a specific group, letting the world  know what you sweetly whisper in your beloved's ears, constantly being in the apprehension of what exactly category is one's relationship in & then letting the whole world comment & like it is something which is merging the real & virtual.

The problem of merging real & virtual is that it is a one way process.Once it is merged, distinguishing the real & virtual will be impossible & one will be lost somewhere in middle.#Lost&Clueless.

The journey of a 90's kid

Being a 90's kid has a great charm in itself. We grew up watching Shaktimaan , Alif Laila , Bournvita Quiz contest, Mahabharat, Surabhi , Malgudi days , Om Namah Shivay , Jai hanuman, drank Complan wanting to be a Complan boy/girl, had a fairly simple gaming experience with Super Mario, Battle City , Alladin etc. The cartoons that we watched were also innocent like our minds, Duck tales, Silly Symphony, Talespin, Captain Planet,Alladin etc. 

We spoke to our parents in our respective mother tongues as tiny tots and not in English.We didnt know what pizza & burger meant until we reached teenage. We had fairly simple clothes for us in the markets ranging from frocks & skirts for girls & pant - shirt for guys & also jumpsuits for the elite ones :P Most of us didnt nag our parents to wear only this dress with this hair band or shoe coz most of us I believe had only school shoes to wear outside. PS Not because we could not afford other shoes mostly because fancy shoes of our sizes was not easily found in the market :P

The music of that era is also eternally beautiful. I remember my father's happy face when we had bought our first tape recorder. It was giant, almost covered our entire rack in the living room.My mom made a beautiful cover for it in white wool.The 1942 ,a love story's tracks, Akele hum akele tum, Baazigar, Darr, Nadeem Shravan's music had found a inseparable place in a stair case like cassette holder beside the tape recorder.

That was also the time of Real Greeting cards. Real as in paper :P. My mom has a fond collection of a huge bunch of cards & letters which we got from our near & dear ones on new year, birthdays , anniversary or simply just like that. We used to smile & giggle when we used to go through them.

I had the first taste of burger & pizza in Hyderabad during 1997.Rs 10 for a chicken burger from Citizen Bakery near our Apartment where my mom would take me if I did well in school tests or just if she wanted to see me happy. We used to have pizza very rarely on occasions like my parent's anniversary & it was almost luxury :P.  The fond memories of me & my parents roaming on bike through the streets of Hyderabad are so special especially after my father would return home from office tours & we would start. 

I also saw the first computer during that time when my I visited father's colleague's home. The desk top, I was so thrilled to see it. I remember having played Pac man & Minesweeper in it. There was a type writer in our home & we had a TV too, in my mind I had the picture of the computer as a combo of TV & typewriter with a small mouse :P.I used to read happily about ENIAC, EDVAC, Sinclar, Pascal in Computer text book  back then :)

That was also the era of pagers, mobile phones & digital diaries. I remember my father's senior in office carrying a pager & mobile phone when he had visited our place for dinner. The mobile phone was of the size of a small papaya i believe.As a kid I was so thrilled to see it that I demanded my parents to get both of them for me. Kiddish obstinacy. I remember my grandparents gifting me a toy pager & toy mobile phone that said "Trrnn Trnn May I help you" :P when I pressed a particular button.So happy I was that I carried it everywhere with me hoping to show everyone that I too owned a mobile phone.

The first laptop I saw was in 1998 when we visited an acquaintance's home. It was the size of a suit case.The display was a bit hazy i think.Spellbound was all I was when I saw it. I wanted to touch & play around with it but stopped coz I saw the angry eyes of my father embarrassed due to my behavior before them inspite of him stopping me.

When we shifted to Odisha, every evening we had relatives visiting us. Its because there was no addiction of serials , no complexities like today's work life, no social networking sites & no multiplexes or malls, so the best way people thought of spending their leisure time was through visiting their kith & kins.

Then time passed. We got our first computer but my mom didnt weave a wool cover for it this time.My father got a mobile phone but his calls from office on it substantially increased too.Our first laptop came but it was mostly used by my father for MS Office.Our relatives visiting us also decreased as the elder ones had become older & hence reluctant to visit & the younger ones were too busy with their work.

There were also some puckered eye brows when we visited people during the time of their favorite daily soaps.Burger & pizza had become a staple diet. The social networking sites had arrived & writing a Happy Birthday on someone's wall was much more simpler than sending greeting cards & letters.

The things which had caught my  delight in the 90's were all there in my home in 2000's yet I think somehow the element of wonder had faded away with time. We have latest apps from our Smartphones that can help us call people for free yet its so strange that the number of people we want to call & talk for hours are reducing day by day.

I am an adult now, a happy one coz technology has made my life so easy & smooth. Yet the old world charm of the 90's keeps luring me to go for a time travel :P Hope the 90's kid in all of us stay alive & be the same always.

Of Life & Death : A Tribute to Rituparno Ghosh

I have always been fond of rains.Especially rainy nights, I feel they have so much to say. My perfect setting would be a cozy bed, warm blanket, a good movie or book on a rainy night #Paradise on earth.

I have never been a movie buff.I love movies but the kind which touch the subtleties of life, the intricate emotions,which convey so many hidden meanings which take me days & even months or years to comprehend.Sometimes I believe I was wrongly born in this generation,where my friends are so enthusiastic about IPL & Iron man.Where they wish to see movies that give them a thrill, a high, & sadly I belong no where there.

My idea of life is taking time to smell the flowers rather than running so fast that we end up stamping all the wild violet flowers that quietly smiling while we were on our way.Slow music gives me peace, books like the Monk who sold his Ferrari give me a purpose, shows like Rendezvous with Simi Garewal intrigue me as I get a glimpse into the life & times of the bold , beautiful & powerful yet movies didnt have a profound effect on me even though the 11 Movies in my laptop are my all time favorites and I carry something with me from each of them.

Then suddenly around 3 weeks back while I browsing through youtube, I stumbled upon the movie Nouka Dubi by Rituparno Ghosh.The movie left me spell bound.The lyrical way in which he portrays the complex interconnections of four lives woven with love,separation,pain,angst & sacrifice set in the backdrop of beautiful Rabindra Sangeet & Bengali culture made me crave for his movies.

Rabindra Sangeet & classic Bengali movies have a special corner in my heart due to my Thani who was a gifted singer & an avid reader of Bengali literature & a movie enthusiast.Memories of me, dadu & Thani cozying up together for the classic Bengali movie every friday night at DD Bangla are still fresh in my mind.The last movie we saw together was Pather Panchali by Satyajit Ray, the story of which I had heard from her when I was a 5 year old.

My reconnection with my happy childhood memories of Bangla movies during Nouka dubi led me to search for Rituparno's movies one after another.

In Utsab, he portrayed a dysfunctional family set in the backdrop of Durga Pujo where at the end everybody realizes that happy families need not be perfect always. 

In Titli, he beautifully brought out the emotions of a mother-daughter where they fall in love with the same person, getting through tinges of jealousy & finally being there for each other when they go through the pain of loving & losing.

In Bariwali, he displayed the profound sense of loneliness when we meet people for a transient phase & that pain which engulfs us when they leave us , makes us lonelier & miserable than ever. I guess it somehow showcased his own loneliness where after his parents died one after other, his brother left him, he struggled with his sexuality & felt lonelier than ever.

In Shubho Mahurat, he emphasized that revenge is not a means of achieving peace & at last we become the consumers of the poison which we try to inflict in others.

In Memories of March he himself personified melancholy, teaching a lesson that the essence of love is accepting people just the way they are without being judgmental.

In Abhoman he expressed love to be eternal,not bound by age,it can happen to anyone anytime & that is what makes love beautiful.

Chokher Bali &  Antarmahal were visual delights,the beauty in which he portrayed Rabindranath's works, resurrecting them in the most beautiful way that they could be brought back to life.

And as I kept watching his movies, I fell more in love with the profound lessons he had in them for me.He has made me smile,brought tears & above all given me the warmth like a loved one.

The day I got the news of his demise, I was in office and it was raining.I felt pained,sad , very sad as I was waiting for many more valuable insights of life which he could have given me.It was a similar moment when I had seen Thani in that cold & quiet condition.The only question that haunted my mind then was "How could this happen when we had so much left to share & laugh about?"

That moment the same question  crossed my mind again after a period of 5 years.This time it was Ritu da, the soul who was bound to me by the threads of life & learning. May your soul reach those beautiful places where you took me & many others through your thought provoking & eternally wonderful movies ! You will be missed dearly !

Of rains & view from a window pane

Rains are nature's way of expressing romance I feel.It is when the sky & earth are overwhelmed with their feelings for each other that they touch each other through rains.It is just like a warm embrace which we give our loved ones when we fall short of words to express our love for them,the sky and earth,never getting to meet, embrace each other through rains.

My earliest memories of rains are during my summer vacations in childhood when me and my brother used to have race of paper boats through the little stream of water along the verandah of our family home in Khurda. My brother had a habit of running out to the open whenever there was lightning instead of staying inside home as he thought lightnings were God's way of taking our photos like the camera flash :P Vivid memories of him running out of the room to smile at God's flash while his parents saying Aye Aye Come back ! :D The other happy memories are of the delight I used to get while watching the world from the window pane of our car when it used to rain. I used to be so happy that I wrote a poem titled it also way back then.

Then there was the period of adolescence.Rains gained a new dimension apart from paper boats & giggles.

There was a tiny element of something called Romance entering my imagination. Movies, songs, poems & books like Ruskin Bond's novels had created an element of romance with the rains which I shyly identified with.This was also the phase of school hoildays declared just because of incessant rains.Yet along with the happiness of "Rainy days holidays" I dont know why I longed to enjoy the rains.

The drizzles & downpours during school have left behind so many memories. The table by the window in the library which allowed me and my friend  to sit & have our chit chat while  reading books & enjoying the rain. The delicious taste of the  "Dahibara Aludum" prepared by Nidhi bhai,who used to sell it on a cycle just beside the school boundary wall.Having it just after the rains would add an extra element of taste to it. The "Sawan Barse Tarse Dil" song from Dahek which my friend used to sing as we roamed through the corridors of our school.The cycle races between friends along with the thrill of the slippery rain soaked roads. And finally the mysterious element of Romance soaked in me while listening to my favorite songs on the walkman watching the rain through the window of my room. It is the rains which helped me sow the elements of love in my adolescent heart.

Adulthood came & brought a lot of realities & complexities with it too. Some of which we accept, some of which we know & some of which we pretend not to know or accept.The rains were still there but the way I saw them had changed in a way. It no longer was just about wonder  & love. It was the feeling of letting out everything I had inside me before those who mattered to me.I got this habit of crying shrouded by loneliness whenever I was emotionally upset by anything. Tears had become my emotional outlet.They epitomized rain for me sometimes.

A few days back when I was returning from office, it was raining.I was without an umbrella. The tiny cold droplets of rain touched me.I looked up, amidst the hustle bustle of Bangalore traffic & people, I felt as if  a dear old friend had just greeted me.I smiled & rushed towards the bus stop.The bus stop had a gulmohar tree under which we waited for the bus.The amber street light above the tree made the droplets on the gulmohar leaves look like tiny decorative lights.It was a delightful sight as if my old friend had decorated the tree for me. After so many years I experienced the similar feeling of delight like I had in childhood.I smiled & wondered how these years had passed by.

As I boarded the volvo bus, I was happy to see the window seat vacant.Its was as if my old friend was lovingly asking me to sit there.I sat & looked outside the window, people were running around, some giggling,some so frustrated.The drops were settling on the glass window & slowly meandering downwards. I had put my headphones on & the song was "Sawan Barse Tarse Dil". I could not help but smile at the perfect moment. 

There were couples on bikes adding the element of Romance too, holding each other, not bothered about getting wet as they had each other. Rain soaked roads, trees, people & the view by the window which delighted me so many years back.All this  was there for me, a perfect way in which the rains brought together all that I had missed in so many years. 

The next morning I woke up , the rains had stopped but I was still lost in the happy memories the rains had drenched me in.Life is beautiful. Cheers to life !

The day I ran my first marathon

Life is the process of continuous self discovery.This line has been created by me through years of influence by movies,books & moreover life itself.We never know what we can, until we just go ahead & do it. And the feeling after it is just beyond words.

You can picturize me as a thinker.I love slow pace. Analyzing,pondering,wondering,reflection,contemplation etc are as natural to me as breathing.I love to devour classic movies, interviews of people who have had it all & stories of people who have lost it all too.Writing,painting,music,poems,reading are like the wheels of my soul which keep me going. Enter sports & I am distraught.

My early school memories of sports days reminds me of running races in which I would finish last.My classmates,teachers cheering me to reach the finishing line & I panting my way through. It was not that I was frail hence lacked energy, I simply didnt like sports. Without sounding boastful, I want to say that like all other human beings, the aspect of my life in which I failed disinterested me. So slowly & steadily my relationship with sports of all kinds faded & got lost in oblivion.

One of the first things I heard about TCS after joining as a trainee in Trivandrum was "Fit For Life", a novel initiative by our CEO Mr Natarajan Chandrasekharan or Chandra as TCSers fondly address him.It was a simple concept, as you join the software industry, instead of turning into a sloth bear, run & be fit and for every kilometer you run, TCS pays some amount for charity.So it was aimed to ignite two things, first an urge of physical fitness through running & second an approach to generate the amount for goodwill that TCS would donate for charity.

Though the concept made me happy, my aversion for sports didnt decrease. So throughout the training I just avoided going for "Fit For Life " sessions citing my overburden of project work, weakness, health issues & blah blah. Yet deep inside I had the haunting sense of failure that I would never be good in something as simple as running.

Enter TCS Bangalore.My project team insisted that as freshers we register for the World 10K Marathon at TCS Bangalore on 19 May to get a feel of Fit For Life.Reluctantly I registered for the 5 km Majja run, sub consciously thinking that I would make some excuse & not turn up for it.

And the day arrived & to my own surprise I decided to run the marathon, putting on the TCS jersey,cap ,wristband & runner Id, me & my friend boarded the bus at 7:00AM.The volvo bus was filled with fellow TCSers all with the same look.I felt a profound sense of unity in us, smiling at each other, strangers yet bound together for a purpose.

The Kanteeveera stadium was bustling with energy.After getting ourselves stamped with "TCS 10K Marathon" we entered the gallery.The entire TCS crowd was waving TCS flags, shouting & cheering.All were smiling to each other.It was a proud moment.

Then to all our surprise, we saw our CEO Chandra joining us in person in the gallery.The entire crowd burst in joy.We all moved to greet him as he was shaking hands with TCSers yet sadly I couldnt reach him Then we had the announcement that Majja run was about to start & we were to go to the stadium race course.

The feature of this year's marathon was that it was headed by the ladies of TCS. Yes & I was a part of it.Thrilled , i held the TCS Flag as all of us started the run.Just as we were about to leave the stadium, we saw a familiar smiling figure across the railing cheering us,yes it was Chandra. I ran towards the railing & smiled at him.He smiled and extended his hand for greeting.That was a miraculous moment of my life.Greeting the CEO of TCS.He smiled & told us to keep running.

That was a moment of awakening.I felt that it was planned by the universe to discover a side of mine I had never met before,that of a runner.All charged up , me and my friend started running, we ran , we walked , we saw people running for causes ranging from public safety to child labor to street animals. We ran & walked alternatively , halting in between near the dance stages watching people dance in exhilaration.

The biggest observation I had of a marathon was the spirit of the people who participated.A marathon is analogous to life I believe, people run it in different paces, some slow some fast, yet they are happy that they are experiencing it.There is no competition, no hurry, a group of strangers heading to a common destination bound by smiles & a common purpose.

So the moment I completed the marathon.I had a profound sense of fulfillment.It was not just because I had completed the marathon, it was because I had completed a part of me that was incomplete for so many years.

To my readers, Our lives are an event of infinite possibilities, all we need to do is transform them into our realities :) Cheers to life !

Memoirs of ILP at Trivandrum : The Panorama Part 1

There is a certain phase of life when one does so many things that when one looks back, its almost like a movie, your mind speaks to you like a little talkative child, excited & gleaming with joy.When I joined TCS and got Trivandrum as my location for Initial Learning Period, little did I know that I would do things which I never thought I would.

Here are the events which are memorable during my time at Trivandrum,something I will cherish forever.

1) Hill, Waterfall & Sea: I have climbed a hill, been to waterfall through a forest with slippery rocks, surrounded by leeches all of this wearing lady like slippers.Yes, slippers ! The all girls trip to Ponmudi with the beautiful drizzles & greenery of Kerala, dancing in the van, walking through clouds, drinking mountain water,eating hot biriyani in a restaurant surrounded by clouds, slipping through the rocks to go to the waterfall, helping each other, almost crying with the dread of leeches yet emerging out victorious and playing in the stream water.Towards the end our driver surprising us by taking us to the beautiful Shankhamugam beach. Hill , Waterfall, Beach   all in one day.Mother nature couldnt be more kind ! :)

 

2) Saving Bruno - One day , coming back from the lab in the evening, me and  my friend Soumya found a little puppy helplessly running here and there amidst speeding vehicles.Being avid pet lovers , we both have a very special corner in our hearts for dogs. We can go to the extent of saying that dogs are better than most humans.Seeing the little one moving around scared, we couldnt help but go and hold him in our hands.We started talking to him, mostly the pet lovers can relate to.We asked him where his mommy was, when the guards told us that his mommy was no where to be found.

 That moment Soumya said that if we leave him here, he might die.We decided to take him with us, take him where? TCS Executive hostel strictly forbids animals in the premises.Yet we decided to take him with us.We named him Bruno, I still remember me & Soumya holding Bruno and running.We got muffins for him from a nearby Maggi shop, which he happily ate.Beneath our happy smiles was the fear of where we would keep him. On reaching hostel, the guard told us we couldnt take Bruno in, our hearts sank.We started pleading  before the guards. Nothing worked. Lastly I went to the Mess staff to get some milk for our Little Bruno. 

There are times when you feel God is present, just next to you.It is a moment of miracle,the Head Chef of TCS Executive Hostel heard about Bruno while I was getting food for him.Seeing my tear filled eyes , he decided to meet Bruno, and after meeting him, he decided to take Bruno with him to his home.Yes, those hands which prepared food for us everyday decided to be the guardian of Bruno.Me and Soumya were overjoyed.We thanked him through our happiest smiles.Bruno was sneaked in to the TCS Executive Hostel where he was the center of attention of the entire staff.From the roads to the home of Head Chef , Bruno had made quite a journey !

Tears rolled down our cheeks.I realised for the first time I had tears of joy :) Life truly is beautiful !