The dichotomy of life

Human mind & character are the most complex creations of the almighty.I know most of us behave differently depending on the surrounding and one's state of mind .Its like living as a different person with different people, giggling and being crazy with closest friends, being formal to colleagues,being open to parents,being mushy with sweetheart,being diplomatic while with intellectuals, being sarcastic with people we dont like and finally being brutal to people we hate.

And then there are moods, which sway us with them.These moods are like seasons which may stay for any duration but the times they stay , they change us.We are lost in them , oblivious to the world.Sometimes moods can reveal our blindside to us.

And then there are situations, our surroundings, which can leave a deep impact into our minds and conscience.Whether its a blind beggar on the street, or an enunch at the traffic signal or any little deed of kindness or humanity we see around can transform us.

I  lead two lives every Wednesday .From 10:30 am to 1 pm I am an English teacher to 6th graders at Gandhipura government school. From 1 pm to 7 pm I am an IT Fresher in a project helping my team  deliver better results to the clients.

Feels as if I belong to two different worlds. One world of well dressed sophisticated people in a tech park carrying smart phones and being a part of India's IT offering to the world.These people with ear phones plugged are so lost in themselves.And the other world of dusty classrooms having awesome minds, so eager to learn yet their lives are so driven by their surroundings, their livelihood.They cant plug in earphones and get away as they have to listen to the noises in the slums they live in.

I feel so elated to see their happy faces and loud  "Good Morning Miss " as I enter the classroom.The twinkle in their eyes when they learn a new English word to their eagerness to spell it first teaches me the lessons of enthusiasm in adversity.

Some children of the class are gifted, they are simply outstanding in their ability to analyze and respond.Then there are the lesser brighter ones who need more time and effort, but what remains common is  their love for knowledge and desire to acquire it.The great joy that they get when they solve any question is beyond words.Their wide smile when I give them a five star on their notebooks is inexplicable.

Then after an eventful session when I return to my office in International Tech Park, I see hordes of people moving in.With I Cards,smartphones and earphones.They also must have been enthusiastic about studying as small kids I wonder.

So after reaching a position where they can reach out, why are they putting their earphones on and listening to just themselves.But I am sure one day these kids will definitely rise up in life.Things will be better for them.And their happy voices will be heard, doesnt matter whether you put or dont put your earphones on.

Lost & Found

Lonely resilient times surround me always.Have always been pointed out as the "person with the thinking hat" because of my absent mindedness. The truth is like other human beings, I too wish to escape into a world where there are no worries and only happiness.Maybe my lovely childhood has made me like this, the love from my grandparents has made me believe that only good things can happen to us.

Yet the best part about happy memories or experiences is that you can always escape into them and feel that same thrill of happiness you felt.Whenever I feel lonely , very lonely I go back to a time when I am entering my home and my Thani welcomes me with her ever beautiful smile and I go and give her a warm hug. Some moments in life are truly worth living.

Unlike other children who used to have best friends from school or neighborhood, my best friends were my grand parents.We used to giggle our hearts out sleeping, me between Thani & Dadu.Our little secrets, smiles , laughter, jokes and the valuable pearls of wisdom which they bestowed on me are priceless.They taught me the meaning of love, unconditional love, the kind of love in which you dont keep a track of giving and taking. The love which is free from inhibitions and where you melt yourself to illuminate the life of others.

With Thani's demise and Dadu suffering from Parkinson's disease, my life without my best friends is very empty. My Thani's last words written in my diary months before her demise were "I hope and pray that you become the cherished loved one for every kind soul". In her last words also she prayed for me to  get love because maybe she was also aware of the huge void which was to be created after her going away.

This is the Valentine's week and unlike the fancy way in which it is projected with candles,baloons, cakes , pendants , cards and cupids, my idea of it was to wish my grandparents and to enjoy the giggled conversation that followed.

Five years have passed. My perspective towards life has become more realistic and pragmatic where bad things can also happen along with the good things. Where saying good things to people may make you sound like a flatterer  and where people can change their opinions and feelings for you any moment.

Yet in these times I am fortunate to get love from the unlikeliest of the places.Whether its the old couple at the tea stall or any kind soul, I have received love for which I shall be eternally grateful.People and situations have made me believe that miracles do exist.  

And no matter what I do I know a bright star in the sky is always guiding me towards being good and doing good. That bright star is my guardian angel , my Thani.